


Lunch Breaks

by obsessivenotetaker



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-22 01:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14297925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivenotetaker/pseuds/obsessivenotetaker
Summary: While it is common knowledge that the heart is one of the most important organs the human body has, it is so much more than a machine that pumps the blood through our veins. For some, the mere fact that the heart continues to work as it does is a sign that no matter what happens to them, they can rest assured that their heart isn't broken.For others, the heart is a place where the essence of a human rests. The decisions we make that portray us as good or bad, come from the heart. It is a womb that holds our character and the unique mannerisms that make us who we are.It cradles the little bits of our personality that help drive our ambitions, dreams, and desires. It is the place where love grows and, in some way, will do what it can to make space for the person that has our heart in their hands.





	1. 1995

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not posting everything cause I kind of want to see how this does??? I don't knowwww????? Also, disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun. xo

** 1995 **

 

Castiel was sitting by the window, looking out into a world that was right in front of him yet far from his reach. His young blue eyes traced the outlines of clouds trying to see what shapes they would be for him that day.

When he heard the sound of children playing on the playground from the television monitor within his hospital room, his mind was no longer paying attention to the white clouds, but rather the desire to be one of those kids engaging in basketball.

His mother, Margaret, walked into his room, Castiel smiling at the scent of her perfume and sight of her permed hair and distinct blue eye shadow. She made her way to her beloved son, greeting him with a kiss on his forehead.

"Mommy..." The five year old said as she helped him back into bed.

"Yes, my love?" She asked sweetly, combing his dark hair into a neater do as she looked into his sparkling eyes.

"Am I gonna be able to play outside like the other kids some day?" The five year old asked and all of Margaret's experience as a lawyer couldn't prepare her to answer such a heartbreaking question. She gently smiled at Castiel as she tucked him in. 

Margaret was a cutthroat and fiery prosecutor, known across the nation as one of the best. She had helped seek justice on some of the most prolific and famous cases from corporate fraud to serial killings. She had seen things most people never see. Pictures of gruesome murders, some too unimaginable to even fathom and listening to those who everyone knew committed unspeakable crimes, lie to everyone as they sought sympathy. Nothing seemed to phase her as she worked cases in a new and fearless way. Margaret was made of titanium.

That was until her son fell ill. Her one, true weakness. Margaret was the toughest lawyer known to date yet she was vulnerable at the sight of her son being sad because he couldn't go outside and play. She was able to convince juries everywhere of anything, but couldn't find words to help her son feel better.

But, being who she was, she smiled at him, trusting in her maternal instincts, as they had never failed her before. Margaret gave Castiel a look to assure him that he was loved and cared for.

"I believe you will, my love. You're going to do great things with your life, I just know it. Right now, things are tough, but you're doing amazing, my sweet angel. You've gotta keep fighting for it, alright?" she said encouragingly, while sitting next to him and pulling out his school work.

"I love you, mommy,” he said, as he grabbed a pencil and prepared to work on his homework. Margaret grinned at him, her heartwarming at the sound of the sweet words coming from her son.

"I love you too, Castiel. Let mommy help you with math, okay?"

After a few hours of working on some homework together, Castiel's sister, Sariel and their father, Patrick, stopped by to visit their little one.

"Cas!" His older sister exclaimed, as she ran up to his bed and tossed her _Backstreet Boys_ backpack aside in order to hug her eager brother tightly as their parents smiled lovingly at their children.

The eight year old climbed onto Castiel's bed and sat in front of him so they could talk to each other about their days.

Their bond was unique. Sariel, or Sari, never looked at Castiel as if he was sick. She treated him like she would treat absolutely everyone. No one knew if it was because she couldn't understand that her brother had a terrible heart condition or just chose to not make her encounters with him about his disease.

Everyone liked to think it was the latter. Especially Castiel.

Sari also knew that Cas was in a place that constantly reminded him he couldn't be a normal kid. So if she could bring him just a little bit of normal, she would.

Nightfall came and Margaret took Sariel home, letting Patrick be the one who stayed with Castiel that evening. He was nervous for his son, given that he was going to have open heart surgery the next morning, but he was good at not letting it show. His own father had always

told him the biggest duty he had as a father was to show relentless courage, even if it didn't feel like he had any left.

He hated Castiel's congenital heart defect. The doctor's gave him and his wife the news when Castiel was only a week old. The words "not too severe but problematic" still ran around in Patrick's head every day. What did that even mean? Ever since Castiel was born, he had been in hospitals. His son hadn't even been to a football game yet.

Even though, every year, he and Castiel would watch the Super Bowl in the hospital room together, it pained Patrick that it had become a tradition in this manner. He wanted nothing more than to heal his son and take him home. Patrick wanted to watch him play catch, run around, play with his sister; just start to develop into the person he wanted to be. Patrick was desperate for Castiel to just _be_  no matter what that entailed.

When Patrick and Margaret found out she was pregnant once again and with a boy, he had already envisioned all the things he wanted to do with his son, just like he had done with his father. Margaret was more of a free spirit, perhaps because she was a lawyer. She had seen too many things to make her worry about how she wanted their kids to be aside from good people. They would be what they would be. She knew what the pressures of being perfect in a parent's eye could do to a child.

Patrick wasn't having any of it. He wanted his son to enjoy sports, get involved in football, fix cars, and do things he did. But the first time Castiel almost passed away because of a heart failure, all of those wants became absolutely frivolous and Patrick was reminded of how precious time was. All that mattered was that he spent time with his son and let him know how much he loved him.

As a contractor, Patrick Novak was someone who was used to strapping on his tool belt and fixing things himself. He was good at building things out of absolutely nothing and turning it all into a home, ready for a family to make memories in. This heart disease however was nothing he could fix. There was nothing in his tool belt that could fix absolutely anything about this situation.

He was a tough and proud man, but his inability to do anything absolutely tore him up inside.

"Dad?" came Castiel's soft voice, filling the room. It pulled Patrick out of his thoughts, and his light eyes fell on those that Castiel also possessed.

"Yes, son?” he asked, gazing at his boy with a smile.

"Tomorrow is gonna go okay, right?" Castiel asked, making it evident how scared he was. It didn't matter that he had already gone through three open heart surgeries. Castiel hated them, as anyone would, regardless of age.

Patrick got up and sat next to Castiel, being careful as he always was with him, to hold him close to his side.

"You're gonna do great. I promise you. Mom and I will be right next to you when you fall asleep and when you wake up. Everything will be fine."

"Sari will be there, too?” he asked, hopeful and leaning into his father's side.

"Sari will be there, too." Patrick replied with a grin and rubbing Castiel's shoulder lovingly, "We'll all be right there for you, Castiel. Always."

 

\---

 

"Your son's heart surgery was a success..." the surgeon said as Patrick held Margaret. They let out a sigh of relief, thinking that the long, 5 year battle was finally over. The surgeon was saddened to have to continue, "This doesn't mean he's out of the woods, I'm afraid..."

"What? But...but the surgery went well. And you said...you said this would do it." Margaret argued, wondering if her own heart needed to be checked because of the constant heart break.

"No, Mrs. Novak." the surgeon said evenly, "I informed you and your husband that there was a chance he could make a full recovery but it depended on our findings during the surgery. While some things were good, there were some things thatstill have us concerned as we move forward."

"What does this mean, exactly, doctor? Please do not give us the medical speech. Just, cut and dry, alright?" Said Patrick, his hands on his wife's shoulders to seek comfort.

"It means...Castiel will most likely have to have another operation when he's around 15 to 17 years old. And that operation would have to be a heart transplant. It's not 100% he will need one but it's also not 100% that he won't. If he doesn't get it then...." The doctor said with a solemn expression on his face making the Novak's hearts sink.

"Well, why...why not put him on the list now? Why can't he do it now?" Patrick asked, fear riddled in his voice as Margaret tried to keep it together until she had all the facts.

"He wouldn't have top priority, given that he can live with his heart for a little over a decade, should things go wrong then. He would continue to keep getting pushed down." The surgeon explained as the Novaks let out an exasperated sigh full of anguish and frustration.

"Where are mommy and daddy?" a groggy Castiel asked his beloved sister who was looking out window. She was watching their parents talk to the doctor as she sat next to Castiel and held his tiny hand.

Sari peered over at him and forced a smile. Even at the tender age of  eight, she felt a tremendous responsibility for Castiel's well-being, happiness, and worries. She knew the conversation outside wasn't going well but she couldn't let her little brother know about that.

"They're just catching up with your doctor. I brought you pudding, Cas! Do you want some?" She asked him trying to divert his attention. He smiled as he closed his eyes again, but shook his head.

"I wanna keep napping. Will you stay?” he asked her, gripping her hand just a little bit tighter.

"Of course, I will." Sari assured him as she tightened her own grip and watched her little brother get some more rest like he rightfully deserved.

 


	2. 2006

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun. xo

** 2006 **

 

It was finally summer break. The time where teenagers were all over the malls, parks, beaches and other areas to lay back and forget about school for a while. The time most parents liked to plan vacations with their children or local activities to take part in.

It was the time to create warm memories, grow and just do whatever it was that made kids happy. Whether that be enjoying the outdoors or staying inside. It was the time to choose pleasure over homework.

Dean was sitting on a log at the beach, alongside his beloved girlfriend, Nadia. She was the head cheerleader of Willow Park high school and he was the star quarterback of the team. It was like a romance only found in books written by Nicholas Sparks. 

They met in elementary school and grew up together. They were a match made in heaven. Many people thought it was just young love, their friends thought it was hormones, but Nadia and Dean knew the truth. They knew how much their love meant. 

It was never about how many times they could sneak off into a corner and make out. It was never about sex or scandals. They truly loved one another. Dean knew he was going to marry her. He knew she would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with and wanted nothing than to be the one to push her up as she achieved her dreams while Nadia desired precisely the same.

They sat in front of a bonfire, cuddled under a towel. Her dark skin glowed as the day turned into night and her hazel eyes that Dean seemed to find something new to fall in love with each time he looked into them, found his light ones and her lips curved into a smile.  Something about those apple green eyes screamed to her how much she loved them and the guy they belonged to.

"Do you think it's crazy, how long we've been together?” he asked her, letting his fingers stroke back her ebony hair, that was styled in loose curls, in order to caress the side of her face.

"Are you doubting us this late in the game, Winchester?" She asked, playfully offended as they both chuckled and leaned in for a small kiss.

"Of course not. I just think....I dunno...it's unique, what we have. I kinda love it.” he said on a soft tone, leaning in to hold her in an embrace and smile softly as he took in her lovely scent.

"I kinda love you." Nadia said sweetly, stroking the nape of his neck, causing his skin to be riddled with warm goosebumps.

"I kinda love you, too." Dean replied, a grin resting on his brims and letting out a content sigh. It was like everything was right for them. No matter what happened in his life, he was always able to look at her and feel like things were fine.

Dean had been through a lot with the passing of his mother that occurred two years ago. He was so torn apart. It was a dark period where his father was left to his own devices and knew he was trying his hardest to try and be both a father and a mother to his sons. John had never given himself a time to grieve for a while, going to and from Sam's many after school clubs and Dean's football games. But no matter what, John never missed any of his kids' matches. No matter if it was a chess match or the season football game.

The eldest Winchester sat his father down, being only 17 at the time, a year after his mother had passed, and told him that he and Sam had done their fair share of grief. That it was his time to mourn the loss of his wife. That Dean would look after his 12 year old brother for the time being.

The three men had created a great bond over this tragedy and became closer than ever. They knew they needed each other to hold on to when it became rough, but they were able to make it through. Dean would owe a lot of it to Nadia. She was there for the heartbreak, the funeral, Dean's breakdowns and helped out with Sam. She had such a wonderful heart and soul, one that was crafted to help those in need with an ease so miraculous, many would argue she was born with it.

"I can't wait to start my life as a Nurse student..." She said, looking at Dean as the bonfire continued to radiate its heat towards them and some of their close friends around it, involved in their own discussions.

"You're going to make a wonderful Nurse." Dean replied, smiling at his stunning love under the now star riddled sky.

"I just hope I'm good at it." She said, looking down at their hands that were holding one another, worrying about her person not being enough for the career she had longed for.

"Hey, hey..." Dean started to say, slipping a finger under her chin to lock eyes once again, "You were born for this. You have a heart of gold and it's basically destined to help others when they can't help themselves. You've done it for me. Out of the pure goodness of your heart. That's all that matters." The quarterback told the aspiring Nurse causing her to give him a wide grin that caused him to return it. Their lips linked together once again to kiss under the moon that was full and bright.

Dean and Nadia had a plan. It was looking like Dean had a full ride to elite schools across the nation for football while Nadia was looking to score one for medical school. They would decide to go to the same ones together and spend more time with each other. Dean also planned on proposing during college. He knew it would happen at some point, but what better time than during the years they were forming themselves to be the best they could be for themselves and each other?

It was as if their story was written in the stars.

 

\---

The school year had kicked off well. Dean was already captain of the football team, the coach training him harder than ever knowing what could be the opportunity for him while Nadia was already taking after school classes that would give her advantages in medical school. They were recommended by the school itself.

Sam, Dean's younger brother, was now 13 years old and was starting to develop into a young man. Because of his smarts, Sam was able to skip a few grades and attend high school which, Dean favored. If Sammy needed anything, the older Winchester was right there to aid him. Going into high school was rough enough, but having been able to skip a few grades on top of that, Dean knew what kind of troubles could be following his brother.

All it took was making it aware around the school that Sam was Dean's little brother and not to be messed with. He was very protective of those he loved and would do anything to keep them safe. A lot of responsibilities for the 17 year old but, nonetheless, he took them on wholeheartedly.

The academic year looked promising to the green eyed quarter back. He liked the feeling of being back on his feet. Feeling confident within himself, excited about the future and what it could hold, happy with his surroundings and his life in general. He felt like his old self again.

It was Friday night and that usually meant Nadia would come over to the Winchester's house for dinner and a movie with Dean, Sam and John. It became a tradition long ago that Nadia insisted be kept, especially after the loss of Mary. They all appreciated that.

The pizza had arrived, Sam set up a selection of movies while John brought popcorn from the kitchen to the living room, plopping on the couch with a grin looking at Dean who was checking his watching.

"Is she running late?” he asked him curiously while stealing a bit of popcorn.

"A little. She was at an extra school club thing. They probably ran long or something." Dean said, sitting next to his dad and smiling at Sam who was looking at the movies.

"I've narrowed it down to _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,_ and _Grease_.” he said with an affirmative nod before Dean raised a brow.

"Interesting choices."

"Well, I feel like I need to make it up to Nadia after making her sit through a 3 hour documentary on World War II..." Sam said, scratching the back of his head, a bit embarrassed over the matter as John looked at Dean and then at his youngest.

"Just to Nadia? Cause, we were here, too.” he said, jokingly, tossing a popcorn into Sam's face playfully as they all chuckled together.

"At least she was nice enough to tell you she enjoyed it." Mentioned Dean, grinning at the thought of her sweetness as Sam smiled as well.

"Yeah. She's the best. She never makes me feel dorky..." Sam admitted, moving some of his bushy, brown hair out of the way.

 "Sam, please. Give me 5 minutes with some clippers..." Dean said, gesturing his hair as Sam rolled his eyes, "But, you are right. She's just...the best. The absolute best..."

After about two hours of waiting for Nadia, Dean couldn't stay at the house any longer and made his way to her home. He was making himself sick over how worried he was. There was something in the pit of his stomach that was turning so roughly, it was making him think the worst things.

Why didn't she answer his calls? Why was she late? She would never just _be_ late without letting him know. Even if there was a family emergency, Dean would have known about it one way or another. All of these questions were riding his mind and driving it to the brink of insanity.

He made it to the Wellington's home, knocking on the door rather frantically. It took a minute or two, but Nadia's brother opened the door looking at Dean surprised.

"What're you doing here?" Michael asked him which caught Dean off guard since he was always so welcome in their home.

"Where's Nadia? Is she okay?" Dean asked, wide eyed and letting his glance look into the home as Michael grabbed his jacket and started to head out.

"You haven't been told. I just rushed home from work. C'mon, let's go.” he said, tugging Dean along while he was getting more impatient.

"Michael! What the hell is going-"

"Nadia was in a car accident. She's at the hospital. Let's _go_." Nadia's pained older brother told Dean who felt as if someone ripped open his chest with their bare hands. It was like his lungs decided to stop functioning and time seemed to have stopped around them.

It was like the world turned the mute on. All he could hear the entire car ride was the beating of his heart which was something he lamented because it was a reminder that he wasn't dreaming. This was actually occurring.

Walking through the hospital was a maze. There were a lot of people in the emergency room and Nurse Practitioners trying to keep up. But, eventually, Dean and Michael found the rest of the Wellington family, all with the same, gut wrenching expression on their face.

Nadia's grandmother was praying quietly in her chair, her father pacing, her mother crying and Michael trying to wrap his mind around the situation they suddenly found themselves in.

"Do...do you know what happened?" Dean asked Harold, Nadia's father.

"It-it was a drunk driver who hit her. She was driving over to your house, I assume, from her study group...” he said, trailing off since the situation was too much for a father to fathom and Dean respected it. He didn't push him for more.

They were there for what felt like an eternity. Dean's mind was trying to understand what was occurring. It all happened so fast. One moment, they were talking about their future together and the next, Dean was sitting in a waiting area not knowing how critical of a condition Nadia was in. Would he ever see her again?

That question almost paralyzed him. He couldn't let his mind go there. Life wouldn't possibly be that cruel to him. It already took his mother, why would it also take the love of his life, too? There was no way it was going to happen. Dean knew Nadia. She was a fighter and he knew she was giving it all she could in her surgery. She wasn't going to give up and Dean placed all of his faith in her will to persevere.

"Mr. and Mrs. Wellington?" A doctor said, making everyone look up to see the surgeon who was working on Nadia. Everyone was quiet, but Dean knew. Dean knew the expression on the doctor's face and, once again, the world started to quiet down.

All he heard was the shriek of Nadia's mother, fading in the distance as Dean fell to his knees on the floor.

"Not my baby! Not my baby!" She screamed. 

 


	3. 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun xo

** 2016 **

 

"How are you feeling, Freddie?" Castiel asked, smiling at the young boy who was laying in the hospital while he checked his vitals. 

"Better. I don't like surgeries." Freddie, who was only ten, said to the Nurse Practitioner with a small pout and worried gaze in his dark brown eyes. 

"It's okay not to like surgeries, Freddie. But you're very strong and it looks like you're doing better. You've gotta keep fighting, little guy. It's worth it." The young Nurse Practitioner said, with a small grin on his lips and making the boy smile as well. 

"Thanks Nurse Cas." 

"Anytime. Try and get some rest. You've had a long day.” he said, tucking the boy in, the sweet smile still on his pale pink lips. 

"Will you be here tomorrow morning?" Freddie asked as he started to close his eyes. 

"Of course." 

The young patient went to sleep as soon as he heard the reassurance of his Nurse Practitioner. Castiel dimmed the lights of his bedroom while collecting his clipboard and looked at him one more time before exiting towards the Nurse Practitioner's station. 

"Hey cutie, how's little Freddie doing?" The head NP, Kathleen, asked him as she gave him a warm southern smile he was known to give to those she liked. Castiel was one of them. 

"He's holding up okay, considering he went through heart surgery today.” he told her, filling out some of the paperwork to then hand to her. 

"Well, he's a true fighter. I sensed it the moment he came here with his family. Warriors, they all are." She said matter-o-factly, as she pushed back her glasses just a bit to read over Freddie's folder. 

Castiel was only 27 years old yet was already a very respected Nurse Practitioner. School was something he tried his very hardest to excel in. It was just in his blood, given his family. An elite lawyer as his mother, a nationwide known contractor as his father, a high class psychiatrist as his older sister; it was only natural for him to want to achieve the highest in whatever field he chose to do. 

No pressure came from his parents and there was no competition from his beloved sister Sari. Castiel just knew how fragile life was and making the most of it was all he aimed to do. He knew, from a very young age, he wanted to be a Nurse Practitioner. Being in hospitals most of his life, the majority of communications were held with Nurses and NPs. They were the people that truly helped him through the most painful moments of his life. 

And when Castiel was close to death at 17, a heart transplant being his only shot at survival, the Nurse Practitioner that had been with him since he was a baby was the one that made him keep hope. 

Louisa, a wonderful woman who was there for Castiel every step of the way with his heart disease, was the reason he wanted to be a Nurse Practitioner. He wanted to give a kid that same type of hope. Whether it was a heart condition, cancer, or anything that was going to be a hard journey, Castiel wanted to be there for these kids. 

He trusted in Louisa as his will to fight was starting to decay that evening. He would never forget it. She told him to keep fighting even though everything was pegging out to be that he was going to die. But out of pure strike of luck, a heart became available and thus, began his new take on life.

He got strong, he began to laugh, he studied and followed through with his career. He was no longer going to be the Castiel that was bedridden in a hospital. He was going to be Castiel, helper to those who feel can no longer be helped and embrace life as it came. 

Freddie was his last check in for the night. Castiel made his way to his locker to change back into his jeans and sweater before slipping out of the hospital. His commute home was a short one. He had an apartment close to the hospital he worked at; Sibley Memorial Hospital.

Given that his family was well off with the jobs that Mrs. and Mr. Novak possessed and the pride they held towards their children, they wanted to help as much as they could. They helped Castiel purchase the apartment he was currently living in. To many people, it was luxurious. But, to the NP, he just saw it as a place to sleep for a few hours every day. He tried to tell his parents to not worry about an upscale apartment. All he needed was a bed and bathroom. They told him he was talking nonsense and that he deserved the best of the best.

The NP knew there was no talking his parents out of a decision they made, so he accepted it. He needed to be more focused on his career than what his parents wanted for him.

Castiel walked into his apartment, setting off the motion sensor that turned on the hallway lights for him. He set his backpack onto the coat rack that always awaited him by the door and slipped his shoes off as well.

He dragged his feet along the dark hardwood floor and went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat. Nothing fancy, but healthy enough that it would sustain him and fill him up.

It was quiet in his apartment. Sometimes that was completely fine but others it bothered him. This was one of those nights. He was standing in front of the mirror, towel around his waist after having taken a shower and his eyes were fixed on the scars on his chest.

All of the pain he went through during his life was marked by those scars. He wished there was a way to get rid of them so he could never look at them ever again. He wanted to forget all of those times he was rushed to the hospital and fought for his life. He wanted to erase the memories of the fear in his family's faces.

He was grateful he was there today, but he was robbed of a childhood because of it. He never knew what it was like to just go out and play. Or to go on rides at amusement parks. He was able to at 18 but never did out of pure fear something would happen.

This was one of those nights where those scars on his chest scared him to do anything new. He went for studying to be the best that he could be, but wondered that he chose this route because it was safe. Everyone knows that in the medical field, you don't really have the time to make friends and do things together. On some level, Castiel worried he chose the field in order to purposely avoid things that would make his life more exciting.

The NP let out a sigh and walked away from the mirror to just get ready for bed. He needed all the sleep he could get before another long day in the morning.

He slipped on some briefs and a dark blue t-shirt before settling into his bed. He was the type of person to scrunch up on one side of the mattress and cover himself all the way up to the point of his nose. It's how he used to do it in the hospital. Not for any particular reason, but it was the only way he was comfortable in those beds. The habit just kept with him.

Castiel closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh to try and soothe himself to fall asleep. Sometimes the silence was too much for him to bare so he had on a playlist of calming music that contained just acoustic guitars. The plucking of the strings, the sound of the plastic picks and the sounds of the fingers glossing over the frets were things that helped Castiel concentrate on while trying to fall asleep.

Before he found this playlist, he would go to sleep with this sad or anxious feeling which usually led to terrible nightmares. His sister recommended something that would put him in a positive head space before falling asleep to help him gain better rest.

It took him quite some time to find something that would work for him. This playlist was almost a miracle. It was like he depended on it, to a certain extent.

So there Castiel rested, in his bed, his iPad playing the soothing tones of beautiful guitar songs and letting himself fall into a deep sleep.

 

\---

 

Dean got into the workshop bright and early like he always had. He turned on the lights of the shop and started making his rounds to see how they were doing on the current projects.

Life was different for the Winchester ever since Nadia passed away all those years ago. It took him the longest time to get on his feet and feel like himself again. In some ways, he was just starting to do so.

He didn't know how he was able to finish the school year. There was a part of him that thought Nadia was still around him some way to help give him the strength he just didn't have. But that was about it for quite some time.

Dean gave up a football scholarship because the will to get out of bed just wasn't in him any longer. He dove into a pit of pure depression. Of all his hopes and dreams were stripped from him because of a stupid decision someone else made and it cost all of them Nadia. Dean's heart was ripped to shreds.

Sam and their father tried to help him but realized this was much more out of their control than they would have wanted. Luckily, Dean reached a point where he agreed to go to therapy to deal with the tragic loss of the love of his life.

In his journey of self-discovery, he realized he had to let the dream that he and Nadia shared to rest. Everything they had planned needed to be mourned just as much as Nadia herself needed to be. It was one of the hardest lessons Dean had ever had to learn.

But with this, he was able to create new dreams and while they were bittersweet to think about, they were still dreams and he needed to appreciate them. Some days were better than others and some days were the worst of the worst. But, Dean got by and that was all he could ask for.

Instead of the athlete career, Dean decided to get a masters in engineering and a minor in business in order to open up a shop where he flipped classic cars that either needed a tremendous amount of work or was hired by a client to help bring the soul back into their motors.

His unique sense of style while heavily invested in the classics gave him a perspective that set him apart from the rest of the mechanics in the business. Dean started to make a reputation for himself when he went into auctions to sell his renovated cars and buyers got to know his name.

John was also part of the journey, being a mechanic himself and was there to teach Dean what it meant to run his own shop. Because of the younger Winchester's natural born talent, their DC based business skyrocketed.

While Dean and his dad had an office of their own, they loved to get their hands dirty whenever they could. Especially when there was a '55 Thunderbird in the shop.

The Winchester looked over the slick, black paint job and smiled proudly. He loved when his coworkers cared as much about cars as he did. All of their works were done with nothing but love and respect. That was all Dean tried to achieve.

The day progressed as it usually did; checking out the status of projects, making sure their finances were in order, inventory, all of the things that it took to make a business successful. A phone call came in and it was an offer to fly to Washington for a car show. Dean was invited to speak at the event and maybe show off a couple of the cars he flipped to display his work. It was all for a charity event to raise money for the local hospital.

Anytime Dean could help raise money for a charity, he would.

He gladly accepted the offer and started to set up his calendar. His dad, over hearing the conversation, took the opportunity to talk to his son.

"Sounds like that'll be a fun week..” he started off by saying, looking up from his laptop to look at Dean who was working on his itinerary.

"Yeah, I'm excited. It'll be great for business."

"Or you can make it a little extended vacation? Well, stay-cation I should say.” he chimed back, eyes now on his laptop in order to avoid Dean's annoyed gaze.

"We're too busy here, pop..." Dean retorted.

"And while you're right about that, I think you know you have built a team of people you can rely on in your absence. It's like when Jill and I went to Europe that one summer...” he said, a faint smile on his lips remembering that vacation with his beloved wife.

"That's different. You're my parents and deserve the best." Dean replied going back to his calendar.

"And I appreciate that to no end, son..." John said, standing up to then rest against Dean's desk, arms across his chest and looking at him , "And so do you. You work to the bone and deserve to just be at ease. Get yourself a nice hotel and stay for an extra week. Hell, even just the weekend. Where's the harm in that?” he said and all of these things rang true to Dean.

It took a bit of convincing but he was eventually sold when his dad told him that Sam wanted to come in and learn all about it. He was thrilled to continue on the family business and had been working really hard in school to try and achieve his own degrees to be the perfect team player.

Dean was always a little protective of both Sam and his business. He blindly trusted their father because he taught Dean everything he knew. But his brother was new and there was some hesitance. However, John saying he'd be here to show him the ropes the way he had done with Dean set him at ease. So, he agreed. He always needed some extra sleep just never admitted it.

The young business owner had always avoided treating himself to a vacation or leisure time. The more time he spent fixing up cars, the more he considered himself to be productive. Dean always had a hard time being alone with himself because too many thoughts clouded his mind some times. Occasionally, that meant he'd go to a very dark place and he was discomforted by it.

But when he worked on cars, he didn't have time to let his mind go there. He needed to focus on the task at hand which was usually pretty intricate work that needed all of his attention. However, even his therapist has tried to convince him to take a break. That he deserved it.

Perhaps now was the perfect time.

 


	4. Car Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun xo

** Car Show **

 

The week of the car show came about fairly quickly and Dean was rather excited about it. He always loved to show off his cars and have people admire the hard work he put into them. In a way, the cars were his babies. 

He got to the venue that was going to hold the event fairly early to help begin the set up and meet with the organizer. 

"Mr. Winchester!" A woman exclaimed catching his attention. Her name was Olivia Holden and she was the one that created this event to help raise money for the hospital research program, "It's so nice to finally meet you." She said, extending a hand out for him to take. He shook it firmly. 

"Right back at you. And please, call me Dean.” he said with a charming smile that made her grin as well.

"Dean. I cannot thank you enough for agreeing to do this for us. As soon as car enthusiasts heard your cars would be here, they started to line up to buy tickets. Your participation means so much to the hospital and myself. We are eternally grateful." She said, red tinted lips curved into a smile, causing her cheeks to raise and her eyes to squint in a delightful manner. 

"The pleasure is mine. You guys do incredible work and anything I can do to continue to help out amazing research, I will gladly do. Where can my team and I set up?” he asked sweetly. 

Olivia told him where his area would be and how the cars were to be unloaded outside of the venue and driven in through the widely opened doors. Dean nodded and thanked her once again for having him. 

  
This day felt different than most days in the shop. He didn't really have a ton of responsibility during the week of this event. It was just a lot of meeting people, letting others take pictures of his cars and giving a speech to emphasize the importance of the charity. This was very much laid back and, oddly enough, he was enjoying it. 

  
His father was right. Dean hadn't realized just how badly of a time off he needed. It was like the last ten years of hard work hit him like a bag of bricks and he was eager to just rest and have a good time.

He met up with his team by the large cargo truck that was carrying four of his best cars. Two had been taken out and Dean directed them where to go, thanking them for their help along the way. He then focused his attention on the other two cars in the cargo hold. 

Dean was watching them undo the security straps on his beloved 1965 Shelby GT350 before things started to play in slow motion. It was a bit surreal since all of a sudden, the grill of his car seemed to be coming at him full force. 

It was like there was a lapse in time where everything went black.

Nothing made sense at all. Everything was a complete daze as Dean opened his eyes to be looking up at the sky, his colleagues frantic as one of them was on the phone and the other, Jim, knelt down next to him to talk to him. 

"Boss!? Hey, boss!? You with us!?” he asked, Dean trying to piece things together in his head. 

"What.." And that was when an excruciating pain started to set in all over his body. It was basically unbearable as his eyes wandered down to the lower half of his body to see it under his loved Shelby. He didn't even know what happened, how it happened or even when. He lost all perception of time. All he remembered was that he was at the car show for the charity event and this wasn't going to stop it from continuing. He mustered up some strength to look at his coworker and mumble, "Get Bobby down here. T-tell him to take o-over. God _DAMMIT_!” he yelped, laying his head back down as he just tried to focus on his breathing and not on the gut wrenching pain coming from his leg. 

  
Dean started to wonder if it was even possible to live through this much pain.

At the hospital, Castiel was already working his rounds and checking up on his usual patients, Freddie being one of them. He was doing much better and things were looking out to be very good for him which brought Castiel an immense amount of happiness. Freddie drew him a small comic to thank him for his help throughout his journey and promised that when he was a famous comic book artist, he'd invite Castiel to San Diego Comic Con as a special guest. 

A sweet gesture and the Nurse Practitioner only encouraged him to follow his dreams and to stay safe. That if his journey lead him to San Diego Comic Con, then he would be front row.

 

As Castiel was organizing a room that a patient had just vacated he got a page to go to the front desk where Kathleen happily awaited him.

"Yes, ma'am?” he said politely as she handed him a folder with a smile on her lips. 

"You've got a new one in surgery right now. Dean Winchester. Poor thing had a car roll onto him at the car show." She said, letting her long, red nails click away on the computer in front of her. 

"Ouch..." Castiel said, reading over the file to get more details, "Really ouch. He fractured his femur in two places along with a bruise on his hip.” he said, squinting a bit at the idea of how painful that was and shaking it off rather quickly.

"I'm giving him to you because, according to our paramedics, he's pretty handsome and we've got the interns in this month. I cannot have a real life Grey's Anatomy in my quarter." She said with an eye roll that caused Castiel to chuckle softly, closing the file and looking at her. 

"He's safe with me.." Castiel said with a reassuring nod, "How long has he been in surgery?"

  
"He should be done soon. I'll page you when he's in his room."

  
Another nod came from the Nurse Practitioner before he excused himself to go check vitals on a few other patients from his rounds. One of his favorite parts of it all was hearing when his patients were well enough to go back home and be with their families. 

  
As with any job, being a Nurse Practitioner came with its downfalls because, at the end of the day, you were dealing with people. And Castiel knew that people would be people. His mother was a fierce lawyer who not only saw the scariest parts of people, but also the dumbest. 

  
This was no different. He always had the adults who were angry about their jello flavor, he's been peed and puked on multiple times, people who keep calling him to readjust the bed angle and all of the things that come with the job that you accept.

  
Cause then there are cases like Freddie that make the entire endeavor completely worth it.

  
As promised, Kathleen paged Castiel to let him know that Dean was settled back into his room. By this time, two men were in there with him talking to the doctor about his condition.They looked as if they had seen a ghost; a look Castiel had grown familiar with working in the hospital. 

  
He waited patiently before the doctor turned to greet Castiel and hand him the folder. He told him to have a good day and left to go visit other patients, leaving the Nurse Practitioner to do the job he did best. 

  
"Hi, I'm Nurse Practitioner Novak but please, call me Castiel. I'll be taking care of Dean.” he said politely, double checking the name on the folder before slipping it in the designated holding area and going over to check his vitals, "Are you his family?" 

  
"Y-yeah...I'm Sam...his brother." Answered the younger man, eyes glued to his brother's sleeping face, "And this is our dad, John." 

  
"It's...uh...nice to meet you Castiel..." The older gentleman expressed, the worry written all over his face, "I hope I'm not being rude but...can you explain what the doctor said to us? It was all so fast...lots of medical mumbo jumbo I can't really understand...” he said a bit flabbergasted and Castiel smiled softly at him along with nodding. 

  
"From the report, it looks to be a one of a kind accident. A car rolled over his body with enough force to knock him down and fracture his femur, thigh bone, in two places. While also bruising his hip by the angle in which he fell. He's going to need a lot of physical therapy but he should make a full recovery." Castiel explained to them and they seemed to be more at ease now that they officially knew everything that had happened.

  
"Thanks, Castiel. Do you know when he'll wake up?" Sam questioned sweetly. 

  
"He should be up soon but I'm gonna warn you right now it's not going to be pretty. General anesthesia is pretty vicious on the stomach. It's recommended to not eat anything 6 hours prior to going under cause you'll get sick. In this case, since it was an emergency surgery, Dean's not going to be feeling too well when he wakes up.” he warned them in order for them to remain calm and not think anything else was wrong with their loved one, "After that, he should be fine..." 

  
And like that, Dean started to mumble gibberish from the commotion going on in his room. While Sam and John let out a sigh of relief over the consciousness of the eldest brother and son, Castiel knew what was coming. 

  
As predicted, Dean went pale before getting sick in the provided kidney basin that Castiel had already prepared for him. Sam and John quickly looked away. The first saying he'd run out and grab his dad and himself some coffee to avoid the gross situation while John sat far away and let Castiel do what he needed to do. 

  
"Hey there..." Castiel said after Dean rested back down and started to open his eyes. The NP smiled softly at his patient, setting the kidney basin aside, “Can you tell me your name?”

 

"Uh…D-Dean…” The Winchester mumbled with a small groan and adjusting himself in the bed.

“Perfect. Can you tell me how old you are?” Castiel continued, carefully monitoring Dean’s movements and facial expressions.

“27…” he stated, feeling so dizzy and groggy all at once. He just wanted to go back to sleep and stay that way for 25 years.

“You’re doing great, Dean. Do you remember where you were this morning?” Castiel asked, checking his vitals to see if there were any changes as Dean replied and knew his time was limited.

“Car show…where am I?” he asked, eyes closing now and taking slow, relaxed breaths.

“You’re in the hospital. Your dad and brother are here with you.” Castiel assured him and that was when the NP saw Dean drift back off to sleep.

“Is he okay?” John asked worried, going up to his son and resting his hand on Dean’s, eyes scanning his face.

“He’s fine. He’s still heavily sedated and is trying to come back from it. He’ll be like this throughout the rest of the day. You are more than welcome to stay if you’d like but, I doubt you’ll get much from him anytime soon.” Castiel said, offering a small grin to reassure him that everything was just fine.

“Thank you, Castiel. I think Sam and I are gonna stay a little while longer.” John said and Castiel welcomed him to do so, letting him know he’d be back in a couple of hours to check on Dean once again. He then comforted him by reminding the father that his son was going to be just fine.

Throughout the course of the day, Cas checked on Dean as promised and spoke more with John and Sam. They were very sweet people. He met Sam’s girlfriend, Jess, who was also concerned with Dean’s wellbeing and John’s wife, Jill. They seemed like a very tight and loving family and it reminded Castiel of his own.

John realized the time, however, and knew he had to go back to the shop and close everything up while also informing the team of what was going on. Dean would skin him if he just dropped everything knowing he would be fine.

He also convinced the rest to go as well because Dean just needed to sleep and, internally, Castiel agreed. As loving as their efforts were, they needed to take care of themselves and prepare for Dean to come back into his routine with a new, temporary life style. However, Castiel promised they would be called if anything were to happen. Dean wouldn’t be left alone the entire time.

The Winchester family thanked the NP for his immense care and loving nature. They all agreed they could tell their beloved Dean was in great hands. Another moment Castiel jotted down that would remind him why his job meant the world to him.

After the delightful family left, Cas made his way to the front desk and took a seat next to Kathleen and the other NP, Ayelen. She worked the night shifts along with her husband who was a nurse on the same floor. Everyone was fond of the Argentine’s name because it was so unheard of. Her round, chocolate eyes met Castiel as she smiled and poured him a Mate to serve him. He graciously took the iconic, South American beverage.

“How’re you doing, mi amor?” Ayelen asked him as her eyes went back to her screen to continue organizing patient records among other things her and Kathleen’s long list of duties entailed.

“A little tired but, okay. How’re the interns?” he dared to ask as both Ayelen and Kathleen groaned at the same time.

“Un dolor de culo.” Ayelen replied, rolling her eyes and causing Castiel to laugh a bit, sipping his share of the Mate. He had worked with her for as long as he had Kathleen. He was so curious to pick up on the little things he said and he was always up for learning new things. So, Ayelen, being a proud Argentine, was more than willing to teach him very casual things in order to keep a conversation going between them. It formed quite a unique bond and Castiel loved her for it.

After Kathleen agreed that they were, indeed, pain in the asses, she did point out she was glad that people were still interested in this field. It always made her happy that others wanted to help those who couldn’t help themselves and the other two deeply agreed.

“You’ve been sleeping well lately, right?” Kathleen asked, going back to Castiel’s initial comment of being slightly tired. They both knew the things that he had gone through in his life and the worries that sometimes kept him up at night. He trusted them so much and found comfort in the way they talked and looked at him. Like they cared just as much about him as he did them.

“Yeah. I’m doing okay right now. I feel like I rely on the playlist a little too much but, there’s nothing wrong with having something help you fall asleep, I guess.” he said, finishing up his Mate and handing it back to Ayelen as she poured a serving for Kathleen who also picked up on the tradition and grew quite fond of it.

“Everyone has a routine, vida. And that’s okay. As long as you get sleep and are happy with where you are in your life right now, that’s all that matters.” Ayelen told him and Castiel nodded slowly at her words before letting them sink in.

He _was_ happy with his life and loved everything about it. But there was this _thing_ in him that just held him back sometimes. It drove him crazy. It was like he could feel his scars pulsate whenever he started to think about them. They just continued to remind him that he still hadn’t figured out who he was ever since he was heart problem free. Not fully, at least.

But before he could fully dive into that can of worms, his timer went off to go check up on Dean. He thanked the ladies and told them he’d be back soon for another round of Mate before he was off.

Meanwhile, Dean had woken up just a bit and was looking around his room. He was still extremely tired but not nearly as groggy. His eyes danced around his surroundings and he was trying to remember how he even got there. He saw his leg wrapped up in a cast all the way from his thigh to his ankle. Dean wasn’t even sure he had ever seen a cast that big aside from dramatic TV shows.

Before he continued to fall into an even bigger hole of confusion, Castiel walked in, grabbing the Winchester’s attention.

“Hi there. It’s me, Castiel.” The NP said, smiling at his lucid patient while walking up to him to take his vitals once again, “Can you tell me your name?” he inquired, eyes looking at Dean’s while checking the machine standing next to his bed.

“Dean Winchester.” he replied confidently, his own eyes on the NP and looking at him curiously.

“Perfect. How old are you, Dean?”

“27.”

“Much better than before. Do you know where you are?”

“Looks like a hospital, so I’m gonna go with that.” he teased with a charming smile causing Castiel to chuckle.

“You’re correct. Now, do you think you can tell me how you got here?” Castiel challenged him, finishing up the vital check to then look at him.

“It’s really hazy. All I remember is that I was asked to show my cars off this week at the charity event. I went there this morning…if it’s even the same day…and started to set up. I remember that we needed to unload a car and then I remember screaming. After that I was on the floor and felt nothing but pain for a few moments. And now, here we are.” Dean recounted, his eyes focused on nothing in particular while his brows were furrowed as he tried to remember the details.

“Sounds about right, given what you went through. It turns out that a car wasn’t securely fastened and ended up rolling over you. You ducked out of the way and saved your organs, luckily. But, with that, you broke your right femur in two places and bruised your hip on the opposite side. Your body went into complete shock from the pain and you lost consciousness.” Castiel informed as Dean just stared at him in complete disbelief.

“Woah…” he said after a moment and then had a follow up question, “Do you know which car it was?” he asked worriedly as Castiel raised a brow in confusion. People surprised him every single day in the hospital and he would never get tired of him.

“Um….” Castiel wasn’t sure but pulled up Dean’s file to see if there were any notes regarding exactly what car not really expecting that to be a question, “All it says is that it was a Shelby. It rolled over you and smashed into the door frame. So, luckily, it didn’t go into the venue and hurt anyone else.” Castiel read from the file but Dean gasped at the mention of the car.

 

“I’ve gotta call Bobby. Make sure she’s okay…” Dean said, looking around the room as if looking for his cellphone.

“I’m sure you can call him in the morning-“

“You don’t understand. That Shelby is my second pride and joy.” Dean replied, his light green eyes looking at Castiel who seemed to not understand what was happening. Quite frankly, this was an interesting conversation the NP was just not ready for.

“I’m sorry…second?”

“My ’67 Chevy Impala is my one, true baby. It’s been passed down to me by my dad and I plan on doing that with my own kid.” he said nobly, a smile settling on his lips as Castiel chuckled softly.

“Seems like you enjoy cars.” he replied, listening to his patient intently like he did with all of them. However, Dean was one of the first patients he has had in a while that was his own age and it always set Cas up to be more self-conscious. 

“Enjoy them? I flip them for a living, my friend.” Dean boasted, a charming smile growing as he looked at the NP, “There is nothing like taking an old beauty and bringing her back to life. It’s _kind of_ what you guys do here. Just…not has life threatening.” he replied with a chuckle and this got Castiel intrigued.

“Really? How so?” he asked, now engaged in the conversation he was having with Mr. Winchester.

“Well, say you get a call that someone found themselves a 1979 Pontiac Firebird, alright? They tell you she is in terrible condition and it breaks your damn heart. So, you quickly get her into your shop and you run the initial diagnostics. You start _praying_ she’s in a redeemable state. You can see the memories she carried, the heart she had and how she used to roar, you know?” he said, and Castiel swore he could see his eyes sparkle.

The NP was strangely drawn to the way Dean was expressing his deep love for cars. Cas never understood it but it was like he wanted to now. He wondered if Dean was a salesman as well because he would have been an incredible one. Either that or the insane amount of charisma that Dean carried in his smile alone was starting to get to Cas.

“I can see how you could visualize it that way.” Cas replied respectfully, trying not to let his thoughts show in the way he spoke.

“Exactly. Then you get the news that she isn’t too far gone so, you go in. You go and fix her. You fix her body, her heart and bring back the car she once was, only better. You here her purr and, Castiel, you want to _cry_.” Dean said with a laugh causing Castiel to do the same.

The Winchester grinned at making Castiel laugh. He was really listening to the crazy talkings of a car enthusiast. He appreciated the attention knowing how busy medical professionals were and all. That and having an NP that looked right about his age, maintained himself well and had eyes that you could quite literally sink _into,_ also drove to a pleasing sensation for Dean.

“You’re unique, Dean.” Castiel said, writing something in his file before setting it aside again and eyeing him, “I can see why you said that our jobs are similar.”

“So, Castiel…can I call you Cas?” Dean asked, yawning a little bit while settling into the already molded bed.

“Sure.” Castiel replied, liking that his patient was getting more comfortable with it but feeling a tad nervous now all of a sudden.

“Cas. So, I broke my femur in two places. What’s next? This cast for a couple of weeks and I’m back at it?” Dean asked, hopeful he wouldn’t be put out for too long, an already confident smile on his lips.

“Uh…well. No. Like you said, you broke your _femur_ in _two_ places. It’s not just any broken bone scenario. And you left out the part of your bruised hip. You’re gonna need the cast for a significant period of time and then its roughly 6 to 8 months of physical therapy.” Cas explained to him and the confidence that was once in Dean’s eyes and grin rapidly disappeared.

“Wait, what? Physical therapy? But it’s a bone. If you break it, you fix it and that should be it.” Dean said, staring at his leg with a frustrated gaze. Castiel frowned just a little bit.

“Not necessarily. Your leg is going to stay in the cast for a little longer than an ordinary cast would be on for. Your muscles are going to weaken and you’re going to need to get that strength back. Not to mention the second surgery…”

“What!? _Second_ surgery!?” Dean exclaimed in shock and Castiel felt bad for him.

“You have a metal rod keeping your bone together. It’s going to need to be removed once the bone is sturdy enough.”

“Jesus Christ.” Dean exhaled, angry and leaning into the pillows on the hospital bed. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes before mumbling to the NP, “Would it be less of a hassle to chop it off?” he questioned, seriously.

“Excuse me?” Castiel replied, dumbfounded by the inquiry that Dean made.

“Would it cause less issues if I-“

“We cannot just amputate limbs upon people’s request, Dean.” Castiel told him trying his very best to swallow the laugh he wanted to burst out at that very moment.

“Oh alright.” Dean stated, annoyed and crossing his arms. All of a sudden, Castiel felt like he was treating a child and he let out a small and quiet chuckle, patting Dean’s shoulder.

“I have faith you’ll make a full recovery. Trust me. Why don’t you try getting some more sleep?” Castiel suggested as he helped Dean get more comfortable.

“I need to take a piss.” Dean mentioned as he was getting ready to get back up but Castiel stopped him.

“You can go ahead and urinate. I have to switch out the bag anyways.” Castiel explained to him as Dean stared at him both perplexed and offended.

“You’re telling me there’s a tube up my dick right now?”

“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t place it…”

“How is that consolation?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I say things.”

There was a moment of silence between them and Castiel felt immensely awkward. It felt like the conversation was going so well and now it came to a screeching halt. Cas just looked down at the bag, feeling Dean’s intense glare at him before the NP decided to break the silence between them.

“I’ll…just go wait outside for you.” He suggested as Dean strongly agreed with him and backing out to lean against the wall right outside the room.

His face was flush and he felt a wave of embarrassment consume him from inside out. Which was odd because this was a rather normal and frequent conversation he had with his patients yet now he was slightly mortified.

“¿Qué le pasa?” Ayelen asked, in attempts to figure out what was going on.

Kathleen, who was getting ready to head out for the night, looked up from her bag at her colleague to see her staring down the hall and let her eyes travel in the same direction to look at the flustered NP Novak.

“Isn’t that Cute Winchester’s room?” Kathleen inquired as Ayelen smirked from ear to ear.

“You, my friend, are correct.” She answered and both of them chuckled before going back to their business.

Castiel finished up double checking things with Dean before wishing him a goodnight and that he’d see him the next day. It was a tad quiet but Castiel made the best of it before leaving his room and going to the locker room to pack up.

He walked out, bag over his shoulder, saying goodnight to Ayelen who just smirked the entire time he went past her, making him wonder what was going through her mind. He slipped into his car to go back to his apartment and get some sleep for the night and to, hopefully, put that moment behind him.

Dean, on the other hand, was huffing in his bed. He felt uncomfortable and the idea that he was going to be working on his leg for a year was something that was distressing him. He just wanted to go back to the shop and continue running business.

He wanted to call his brother, the person he could confide in when it came to insecurities but he suddenly felt exhausted. He was sure he’d see Sam the following morning and would talk to him then. It would make Dean feel a little better about the crappy situation he found himself in at the moment.

It was time to shift his attention to something a little more pleasant. He had this NP guy looking after him. Dean thought of his name; Castiel. He wondered how Cas spelled it since it was one of the most uncommon names he had ever heard. Was it with two s’s? Double e? He started to feel bad he didn’t even look at his badge after having taken care of him.

Dean smiled a bit at how flustered he managed to get him with just a few simple words and how drawn he got when he was talking about the cars Dean dealt with and why he was passionate about them. The face of curiosity that Cas had was a bit endearing to the Winchester and he hoped he’d see him the next day.

With that, Dean gave in to his exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep.

 


	5. The Second Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun. xo

** The Second Surgery **

 

Dean was unbelievably annoyed as he worked from his office, unable to get under cars and get dirty. He hated the damn crutches he was using and was so tired of everyone offering their help.

He was starting to feel like he was losing it. He had gone on for _months_ in the old cast around his leg and he was so tired of it. It was huge, bulky, itchy, hot and he couldn’t bend his leg. Who knew how much someone would miss bending their leg? He was done with it.

The main issue that was occurring that Dean didn’t want to focus on is that now he had way more time to think and that was never a good thing. When it came to business, he did his best thinking while working on cars. But now his brain was just going to negative headspaces. Dean wondered if his life was actually fulfilling him. He worried he’d ever regain full use of his leg ever again. Even though he had his family and his amazing job, why did it always feel like his heart was missing something?

Too much time to think was never good for a Winchester.

“Dean.” Sam repeated, pulling his brother out of his bubble of anger. He and their dad had been on the frontline with Dean’s stress and they, quite literally, had enough of it. They were ready for the day that finally came.

“What!?” Dean exclaimed, looking over at Sam with a moody expression.

“Do you not remember what day it is? You have to go to the hospital. Let’s go.” Sam reminded his brother and it was like Dean’s entire demeanor worsened. He had to go back to the hospital and go through this whole thing all over again. But, there was a positive to this.

Getting the rod removed meant that the cast would most likely stay off and he could start doing what he needed to do in order to get back at what he was best at. Dean was trying his hardest to focus on the positive part of this entire ordeal.

It took quite a lot of convincing to have John stay behind to manage the shop for the rest of the day, not that there was much left of it. He insisted they close early so they could all accompany Dean to the hospital but the young business owner said he’d rather have a stroke.

Instead, Bobby and Sam were the ones to take Dean to the hospital. Even then, he was mad. He was just not in a good mood and everyone was trying their hardest to be supportive. They didn’t know what it was like to have their leg not work all of a sudden. Or how painful it was.

“You doin’ alright there, Dean?” Bobby asked, eyeing Dean who was staring out the window, sighing while playing with the string of his sweat pants.

Bobby Singer was a lifelong friend to the Winchesters. He was there for John and Mary when they were struggling and made sure they'd be okay. He was there for them when Mary passed and consoled them as much as he could. He was there when Winchester Auto started to see the light of day and was brought on as a partner given his extensive knowledge on cars and it was a way to give back to him for all of the years of continuous generosity.

“Do you know what it’s like to ride shotgun for months after years of never having to?” Dean stated, huffing and Bobby rolled his bright eyes.

“Cry me a river, boy! You’re gonna get all fixed up and better. There are people in there that don’t come out ya know.” Bobby retorted back at Dean and Sam stared at his brother knowing exactly what came to mind. Or rather, who.

“I know, Bobby…” Dean mumbled out after a moment of silence, giving Bobby the time he needed to realize the impact his words had on the older Winchester.

“Ah…Dean…that’s not what I-“

“Apology accepted. You’re right. I’m being impossible, but so is this damn leg. I hate not being able to fix my damn cars.” Dean explained, exasperated by the situation that could have been avoided by a simple double check.

He made it a golden rule within the workshop to triple check these things cause someone could get hurt. Dean had to be grateful, cause he could have easily been killed.

“Hey, Dean. I love you and you know that. But fixing cars _cannot_ be your only passion in life. It can be one of them but not the single most important thing. Take this time life has given you to figure out what else you’re passionate about. Don’t be a stubborn Bobby.” Sam expressed as Bobby gave him a glare of annoyance in the rearview mirror and Dean eyed the old guy with slight worry that he was starting to be him.

He loved him. Everyone loved Bobby. But Dean was only 27 years old. And if he was already getting compared to him by his brother, the one he trusted most in this world, something wasn’t right.

Dean was aware that there was validity in the words that Sam shared. He only ever had love for his older brother and wanted what was best for him. It did make him wonder, however. The older Winchester had only ever thought about cars as a serious business ever since he decided to let his dream with Nadia go. He hadn’t stopped since.

He reminded himself once more that he was 27 and that many people his age discover more passions in life. He didn’t want just one. He had a dream and basically fulfilled it. But the thought of starting a new dream made him feel like he was 17 all over again and it didn’t leave a good taste in his mouth.  

“I’ll…consider it. But I’m not gonna like it.” Dean concluded, looking back at Sam as well who was giving him a content smile. One that portrayed the trust he had that his older brother had actually listened to him.

At the hospital, Castiel sat down with Ayelen and Kathleen for their regular afternoon Mate but the two women couldn’t stop smirking and giggling amongst themselves.

He kept his lips around the bombilla and eyed them both with a hooked brow.

“What’s going on?” He inquired, not knowing the consequences of his question.

“Guess who’s back today to get their rod removed.” Kathleen enticed, wiggling her brows as Ayelen chuckled, taking back the Mate that Castiel had finished to pour herself a serving. The young NP blushed heavily at the mere thought of Dean.

“Oh. Okay?” Was all Castiel could come up with as the other two laughed with each other.

“Sounds like our little bebé has a crush.” Ayelen teased, finishing up her serving of Mate and handing a fresh one to Kathleen.

“It’s…not my fault…he’s…” Castiel started to explain but was too embarrassed to continue and felt himself shrink in his seat. His navy blue cardigan felt so big all of a sudden and he wondered if he could hide in it.

He was a grown man who couldn’t handle basic attraction. He could give old men sponge baths but could hardly be with Dean the more he got to know him. Castiel blamed his patient’s smile. It was so damn charming, appealing, full and pink.

“One of the most beautiful people we’ve had up in here since 1985?” Kathleen asked finishing Castiel’s sentence for him as Ayelen nodded with woeful agreement.

“He makes George Clooney look terrible.” Ayelen added and Kathleen let out a bellyful laugh, handing the empty Mate back to Ayelen.

Meanwhile, Castiel wanted the Earth to swallow him whole.

“I thought you didn’t watch medical dramas…” Castiel questioned, tilting his head just a bit while his luminous blue eyes going from Kathleen to Ayelen.

“We did when George Clooney was in them.” The southern woman clarified, a dreamy expression on her face, causing Castiel to chuckle just a bit.

“Back to Winchester.” Ayelen brought up again, handing Castiel another Mate while he took it with a sigh.

“Why back to Winchester? There’s nothing to talk about. Do I think he’s attractive? Yes. Does there _have_ to be more than that?” Castiel asked, flustered at the idea of having to tend to the Winchester again as Kathleen and Ayelen couldn’t help but continue to laugh.

He got up, insisting he needed to go to the bathroom and check on some other patients but the older women knew he was just a bit shy about his sudden interest in someone else.

“He worries me a little…” Ayelen commented, pouring herself another Mate as Kathleen hummed in agreement.

“Me too but he’s a resilient man who’s always full of surprises. We just have to let him find his own way, is all.” Kathleen expressed as Ayelen sighed a bit, sipping her hot drink before going back to her computer only to find herself looking up at two, lovely looking, young men.

“How can I help you, amores?” Ayelen asked, a bright smile on her lips as Kathleen just laughed behind her.

“Hi, yeah. I’m Dean and I’m here to take a thing out of my leg tomorrow.” He grumbled, gripping his dented crutches a bit. He _may_ have thrown them against the wall a few times out of pure frustration.

“Ah, sí sí, Winchester.” Ayelen said, pretending to look at her screen to make it seem she hadn’t already remembered him, confident smile still settled on her brims.

“Thanks for your help, Ma’am.” Sam said sweetly, a gentle grin placing itself on his face as Ayelen admired his soft features.

“Let me just page a nurse for you, sweeties and we’ll get you all settled in.” The NP told them as they waited patiently. At least Sam did. Dean was another story.

He was standing there, staring at his leg and suddenly realizing what was going to happen the next day. He was going to go into surgery and, for some strange reason, he was starting to get nervous.

Dean began to think about all of those stupid Facebook videos that go from adorable puppies to anesthesia awareness and how often it happens. His mind started to envision him in an operating room, waking up and feeling his damn leg being sliced open.

“Dean?” Sam asked, once more, after noticing his brother had gone into a trance of some sort.

“Wha?” Dean replied, looking up at Sam and now the nurse standing before them. He had no idea that she had shown up to take him to his room and was now, suddenly, hesitant to go. But, being Dean Winchester, he showed her a smiled and told her to lead the way.

Sam helped his brother by placing his belongings close to him in case he needed anything throughout the night. This was a conglomerate of toilette trees, his laptop, a couple of pictures of his favorite cars, a change of clothes and other miscellaneous things that Dean requested.

Bobby turned up once again, thanking the ladies at the front desk for helping him find the room Dean was in and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Parkin’ here is crap.” He expressed, causing the boys to chuckle at him softly. He then let his eyes look at Dean in the bed and nodded to himself, “You comfy, boy?”

“As comfy as I’m gonna be. I just hate that my ass is going to basically deflate by tomorrow.” Dean replied, thanking the nurse for her help as she exited the room, giggling softly.   

Before they could continue their talk, the same doctor that had treated Dean before came in to run things over with him. He explained how the surgery was going to go, what they were going to do and what would be the aftermath.

While this was occurring, Castiel was leaning against the wall right outside the door. Of course the other two made it so that he would definitely be Dean’s NP again. He started to feel like he was in high school and, unfortunately, Cas was a hopeless romantic. This never played well for him.

There was one time, when he was roughly 15 years old and his puberty was shining, he was fond of this girl. By fond, he had a huge crush on her. He didn’t know if it was her bouncy red hair, her unique freckle pattern or the way she tapped her pencil on her lips while thinking about something, but he was smitten.

He had mustered up the courage to talk to her, after some helpful advice from Sari who was a senior, proud to be Castiel’s sister, who had told him to just tell her how he felt. However, she never told him _how_ and he never had anything to base himself off of.

His dad said he had it in him. He was a pure Casanova and that she would just melt as his feet, much like Cas’ mother did when they met in high school. When Patrick was recalling this, he was hugging Margaret and kissing her cheek so much she wouldn’t stop giggling. Sari and Cas both gagged at each other before sneaking out of the room they were all in.

None of this helped Castiel confess his feelings. So, he winged it. The only thing he could think of that girls in his school would not stop talking about was the then popular movie, _The Notebook_.

He had walked up to Brianna, who was with her group of friends and Cas really should have taken that as a sign to walk away, and tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She looked at him with a curious glance, the other girls confused. He tried to summon his inner Ryan Gosling as much as he could.

“Bri…Brianna.” He started to say, his 15 year old body shaking at the thought of expressing his feelings to a beautiful girl.

“Do I know you?” She asked, not rudely but, quizzically as he swallowed even harder.

“I…uh. I have homeroom with you. I’m…Castiel.” He was able to mumble out, hands unable to squeeze his backpack straps harder than he already had been.

It was clear that Brianna was trying to remember if she had crossed paths with him before and this only put Castiel more on edge than he already was. But nothing was going to prepare him for what was going to happen next.

“I think he’s the sick kid…” One of her friends whispered and it was loud enough for Castiel’s soul to rip in half.

“Oh!” Brianna continued, remembering who he was now and Castiel had too many questions and emotions running through his body to even care about what he was going to say in the first place.

“I’ve gotta go.” He stated, his voice heavy with sadness as he walked himself out of the building and to the bleachers so he could be alone to cry.

It was his biggest fear to be known as the kid with a heart problem. That everyone would look at him differently because of it and his fear was suddenly a reality. It was worse than being rejected by your crush in front of the school.

Ever since then, Castiel has had the biggest trouble mustering up the courage to even admit to himself he’s had feelings for anyone. Very rarely did he have crushes and if he did, they were very brief because it was a temporary situation.

This didn’t mean he didn’t daydream to have someone to confide in, to have someone smile at him and tell him he was beautiful. He was the guy who would watch _Fixer Upper_ after a few too many and get emotional over how lovely Chip and Joanna’s marriage was, wishing he had that.

He had another crush while he was an intern and it was with another fellow intern named, Ayaan. Castiel met him the first day at the hospital and he had a hard time keeping it together. The other intern found this to be endearing and took a liking to Castiel because of it.

Ayaan taught Castiel a lot about life and they grew very close to one another. But, Ayaan was going to later leave to work at another hospital in Seattle. His goal was to be a surgeon and Castiel knew he’d make a great one in Seattle. 

But being the hopeless romantic he was, Castiel took it a lot harder than he would have liked. Sari, being a brand new psychiatrist then, tried to help her brother. She attempted to see if there was a connection between Castiel’s strong emotions and his experience with his past heart condition. Castiel failed to see it this way and asked his sister to swear to never psychoanalyze him ever again.

Dean was, once again, another story Cas was going to write in the books. He was another temporary, unattainable and platonic crush. He was a very attractive man with a charisma that could melt the last of the glaciers on Earth, a humor that actually made Castiel laugh and a smile that could light up the farthest planet from the sun. But that was it.

That was all Castiel was going to let it be. And with that self-assurance, the NP was able to straighten himself out and walk into Dean’s room as he was saying goodbye to Sam and Bobby.

“Oh, Cas!” Dean exclaimed with a smile as all of the confidence Castiel had mustered up completely evaporated into the atmosphere.

“Nice to see you again, Castiel.” Sam added, smiling generously at him as Bobby just tipped his had a bit, “Good to know my brother will be in great hands again.”

“Thanks, Sam. That’s very kind of you.” The NP replied, grinning at both Sam and the older gentleman, Bobby, who he had met once the last time Dean was in the hospital.

They, once again, said their goodbyes and Castiel was suddenly left alone with Dean Winchester. He kind of wished Sam and Bobby would have stayed. He tried to grin at his patient before going up to check his vitals, making sure his information on his wristband was correct.

“How’ve you been, Cas?” Dean asked him, eyeing the NP with an interested smile. He remembered him from the last time he was hospitalized. They had spent more time together than Dean had with his family.

He discovered that Castiel scratched the back of his neck a lot when he was thinking about something. Dean also learned that Castiel was not someone who was good at just being relaxed. Or maybe just not around him. He made his miserable time here way more enjoyable and he was glad that Cas was going to be his NP again.

“I’ve been okay. You know. Taking care of patients.” He replied, making minimal eye contact and finishing up with Dean’s vitals and not really knowing what to do with himself.

“Well, what do you do outside of the hospital? All we talked about last time was what you did around here and your NP friends at the front desks. They seem to like me.” Dean stated with a proud smirk that made Cas chuckle and shake his head.

“Outside of the hospital?” Castiel pondered, scratching the back of his neck as he thought making Dean smile at the action, “Not much, honestly. I spend a lot of time with my family, I guess.”

“Oh yeah? That’s nice. You all get along?” Dean continued, liking that the NP was engaging in the conversation he had started.

“Yeah, we do. We’re pretty close. Much like you and your family. They seem lovely.” Castiel remarked, causing the corners of Dean’s lips to quirk up.

“They are. A bunch of weirdos, but I love them. Especially the nerd, Sam.” Dean explained with a playful roll of his eyes before looking back at Castiel, “You have any siblings?”

“An older sister. Sariel. I call her Sari.” Castiel proudly affirmed, as he always did when stating who his sister was.

“Sariel and Castiel, huh? Are your parents hippies or something?” Dean teased as the both of them chuckled gently.

“They’re a unique set of individuals, I’ll give you that.” Castiel assured, the smile still on his lips before his watch beeped.

He lifted his wrist to stop the alarm and look at the time. His shift was over but, for some reason, he seemed unwilling to leave. However, he knew he was going to need his sleep given that he hadn’t slept well the night before.

Something he chose to omit from Kathleen and Ayelen.

“Time to go home?” Dean asked, starting to feel uncomfortable again about the idea of what was happening tomorrow. It was like it was becoming all real to him again, much like it did earlier when he was waiting to be taken to this room.

“Are you alright?” Castiel voiced, noticing the change in Dean’s demeanor as the Winchester peeled his eyes away from his NP to look down at his fiddling hands.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” The business owner confirmed, but Cas knew that expression all too well. He has seen it so many times from other patients and himself.

“It’s okay to be nervous, you know.” Cas started to explain in an attempt to empathize. It quickly got Dean’s attention but all he did was look at the NP from the corner of his eye, “It’s normal. Surgeries can be scary but it’ll be fine. Besides, you’ve already gone through one.” He reminded him.

“That was different.” Dean commented, looking back at Castiel fully before sighing out and looking down again.

“How so?” Cas continued, walking up to him slowly to try and make him feel better.

“I was unconscious and had no idea I was going into surgery in the first place. Now I am fully aware that this is happening and I’m not much of a fan of the idea.” Dean replied, feeling a bit short tempered as he looked at his leg.

“I’ve seen a lot of surgeries and a lot of patients go through surgery. Everyone, at the end of the day, gets nervous about it. It’s a lot to process sometimes and that’s alright. It’s alright to be a little scared. But I promise, you won’t even know when it starts and when you wake up tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be here.” Castiel assured him, a cold hand placing itself on Dean’s warm ones.

The nerves Castiel was feeling at the idea of spending time with Dean was gone because now the Winchester was a patient who was afraid. This was what Castiel was good at. To help patients feel less afraid of the situation they were in. Just like nurses had done for him when he was growing up. Dean was now someone trying to seek comfort before a procedure that would have been daunting to anyone.

Castiel also made a note that he opened up about this to him. From the very little time he knew Dean, Cas could tell he wasn’t much to talk about his vulnerabilities in front of his family. There was something about him that came off like he was someone who had to look after them at one point or another. But right now, Dean was telling Castiel that he was afraid and it seemed to roll off his tongue. The fact that the NP had managed to reach that level of trust and security reassured him that he was doing a good job.

Dean, on the other hand, didn’t know why he was telling these things to Castiel. He guessed because he was his NP, there was a level of trust that you couldn’t get from anyone else. Castiel also didn’t know Dean which provided a somewhat unbiased opinion. Something Dean sorely needed sometimes because his family always encouraged him as opposed to tell him the flat out truth to avoid discomfort. The idea that Castiel wouldn’t do that was rather appealing. There was also something in Cas’ eyes and the tone of his voice when he spoke, now. He wasn’t nervous or shy when they spoke casually. He was confident, reassuring, caring and trying to do his job the best way he could.

It made Dean wonder what drove Cas to be in the position he was in. It was like he was hand-picked by the gods to be a Nurse Practitioner because of how good he was. He was an absolute natural and Dean was certain that was the reason why he felt so comfortable.

His lips curved into a grin when Cas rested his hand on his and his light, green eyes met the NP’s.

“Why is it that I’m the one that’s nervous about surgery yet your hands are freezing?” Dean joked, letting out a quiet and soft laugh which Castiel mimicked only with a blush going from one cheek to another.

“Sorry about that.” Cas replied, slipping his hand off of him and grinning silently.

“Thanks for sayin’ what you said. Made me feel a little better. You should go, though. I know I’d wanna leave once my shift was over.” Dean insisted, that charming smirk on his face that Castiel had grown to anticipate. Even when he did, it still physically made him shiver.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean. Try and get some sleep.”

“See ya tomorrow, Cas.”

\---

When Castiel reached his apartment, he didn’t feel like eating anything. Another one of those nights snuck up on him and he was starting to experience an emotional fatigue.

He walked out of the shower, deciding it would help him loosen up, and made his way into the kitchen after having slipped into some pijamas.

Cas tapped the screen of his fridge to see what he had inside and nothing called his attention. He wasn’t hungry, just worried but not really trying to focus on why. He grabbed three clementines and made his way onto his couch to watch some TV.

He avoided anything on the HGTV channel for the time being and channeled surf mindlessly. His eyes felt so heavy and his body was asking for him to just get some sleep but his mind had other plans.

His mind was racing with all types of things. Some made sense, some didn’t. Some things felt like whispers, some were screaming at him. All he did was sit there, staring at the screen as the Tanner family dealt with another daily dilemma.

He tore through each clementine, finding more satisfaction in ripping up the rind than the actual consumption of them and was frustrated there was nothing more to fidget with. He realized that he was thinking about Dean but not about _him_ exactly.

What if they got closer? Then that meant Castiel would open up about himself.

What if they got intimate? Then that meant Dean would see Castiel’s scars.

What if Dean thought he was sick? Then that meant Castiel would fall apart.

The what ifs were causing his head to spin. He knew, on a rational level, all of this was ridiculous and he just needed to take it one day at a time because he had no control over the future so, there was no need to stress over it. However, he wasn’t being rational at the moment.

All he could think about was that someone would never find him beautiful because of his scars. Why would they if he couldn’t appreciate them himself? His family always tried to tell him that they were a battle wound that not many people would have. That Castiel had a story that could inspire others, build his strength and make him persevere no matter what the situation threw at him.

But there he was, on his living room floor, face buried in his hands as he cried over the fact that after all this time he had yet to accept himself. After all this time, the whispers of being called a sick boy still played in the corners of his mind. He still vividly remembered the night he almost died and how awful it felt. He remembered how he was put to sleep without knowing he’d wake up. Without the chance of saying goodbye to his family.

_What if that happened again?_

Castiel didn’t know how much time he spent on the floor, trying to regulate his breathing and crying but he was finally able to do so. He got into a headspace that was more logical and peaceful but still felt absolutely miserable this had even happened.

Slowly, he got himself up, his legs shaking, and turned off the TV. He then told himself the next task on his easy and simple list of things to do was to throw the remains of the clementines away. He gave himself a mental check when he completed that task. Then, he took a breath and told himself all he needed to do was to brush his teeth.

He walked himself to the bathroom and did what he set out to do, avoiding the mirror at all costs. Then, it was time to get himself into bed and he was able to do that, feeling himself sink into his mattress.

Castiel reached out to play his playlist and kept reminding himself he was okay. He was alright and what happened before was okay. That there was nothing to be ashamed of. He didn’t believe the words he said, but it was still worth saying them. He thought maybe he’d ask Sari if she had time to spare this coming weekend. Maybe talking to her about it would help. It had been awhile since Castiel had a full blown anxiety attack the way he did and he knew he needed to talk about it.

But right now, he was tired. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the strumming of the guitar strings and take his mind into a place where he could relax enough to get some sleep.

At the hospital, Dean was fast asleep and slowly slipping into a dream. It started off with him at the shop, per usual but he was working on a car, leg untouched. He was happy, humming some Led Zeppelin and in the zone with his new baby.

When he heard the sound of footsteps behind him, he perked up and turned to see who it was. All of the tools in his hands slipped and fell onto the ground when he saw that it was Nadia. The sound carried for what felt like miles as he watched her approach him. In his dream, she was his age and she was just as beautiful as he remembered.

“Hey, Dean…” She said in the voice that used to transfix the Winchester in ways he couldn’t understand.

He couldn’t say anything. He was physically incapable of making a sound and she knew that. Nadia walked up to him and placed a hand on his cheek, causing Dean to crumble inside as he closed his eyes leaning into her touch.

“God help me…” Dean mumbled, taking a deep, shaky breath as his eyes opened to find that Nadia was still there, smiling right at him.

“You look good. I always knew you would.” Nadia said in an admiring tone of voice as Dean felt his heart lift up into the heavens.

“This isn’t real.” He spat out, holding her wrist with his hand and unable to fathom just how real it felt.

“No, it isn’t. But can’t we just enjoy it anyways?”

“Absolutely. It’s been a while since I’ve dreamed of you.” Dean admitted as he pulled her into an embrace, resting his forehead onto hers.

“That’s a good thing, though.” She replied, her eyes meeting his, “It means you’re not clinging onto me so much anymore.”

“Maybe I should cling harder.”

“No. Don’t do that. Tell me what you’ve been doing all these years.” Nadia told him, resting into him and ready to hear about the things that Dean had went through in his life.

And almost immediately, Dean started to fill her in on the things he had done and accomplished. He also admitted to how he dealt with the heartbreak of having lost her. He talked about her family, how he, eventually, lost contact with them throughout the years and the journey he went through to get back on his feet. He also told her about what happened to his leg and the frustrations he had been dealing with.

She listened to every detail, every word and breath Dean gifted her. She smiled and hugged him, kissed his lips and looked up at the features she once fell in love with.

“You’re gonna do great tomorrow, Dean. And the rest of your recovery, you’ll be just fine. You’d better give yourself the time you need to heal, mister.” She demanded lovingly, poking his chest as she did so.

“I miss you.” Dean murmured, feeling the weight of this dream coming to an end and that his time with her was limited.

“I miss you too, Dean. What you and I had was irreplaceable, so don’t go trying to replace it. You’ll set yourself up for disappointment and I’d hate for you to miss an opportunity because it can’t compare in your mind. Find something new to fall in love with, no matter what it may be.” Nadia told him, stroking his strong jaw as he sighed heavily.

“You knew me better than anyone.” Dean spoke softly, gripping her hips as he started to become a bit overwhelmed by the emotions setting into his being.

“And because I did, I know you didn’t close your heart entirely. You’ve opened it up completely before, you can do it again. Let yourself do that.” Nadia encouraged him, “The opportunity may be closer than you think.”

“What do you mean?” Dean inquired, confusion in his gaze.

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“Then let it happen.” She instructed, calmly and with that smile Dean had missed so much, “I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you, too.”

“Goodbye, Dean Winchester…”

“Goodbye, Nadia Wellington…”

Their farewell was sealed with one last kiss, Dean having this feeling that he’d never see her ever again but also feeling okay with that fact, in a very odd way. Like this was his chance to finally say his goodbye.

And as the kiss came to an end, Dean slowly start to come to in his hospital room where another nurse was greeting him to prep him for his surgery, forgetting the dream he just had but enjoying the comforting feeling in his chest. He no longer felt so scared of the procedure and was looking forward to face the recovery his leg was going to throw at him.


	6. Curveball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I tried (am trying) to be as accurate as possible but needed to "bend" things for storyline purposes. Okay I love you all.
> 
> Have fun. xo

Castiel went in the next morning feeling a little better he had rested, but the looming feeling of having an anxiety attack still danced around in his mind. It weighed him down and made him feel unwilling to do anything other than crawl back into bed and forget about everything. But his job wasn’t about him. It was about the patients he treated and who looked forward to seeing him. He needed to give them what they needed in order to keep going with their own days. It’s what gave Castiel a bit of strength to pull himself together enough to at least try and make it through.

He gave his good morning to Kathleen who greeted him with that full, wide smile that always made him happy and some coffee she picked up for him. It was as if she was never in a bad mood. Her outlook on life was one Castiel aspired to have but always fell short.

“I have a surprise for you.” She teased with a slightly singing tone, making Castiel finish his sip of his coffee and look at her with a curious gaze.

“It’s way too early for this.” Castiel answered, eyes narrowing a bit to try and read her expression but all she did was grin giddily at him, “Are you gonna tell me?”

“Nope. You’re going to have to find out on your own, my love.” She informed, going back to her computer, humming out the tune to _At Last_ as Castiel just backed away slowly.

His brow was still arched before he turned and went to the lockers to change into his scrubs for the day. On this particular day, he started with checking in on Dean. The Winchester had a knack for reading Castiel _already_ but the NP hoped that Dean was too tired to turn on his charm. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he just wasn’t completely up for it.

Castiel made his way over to Dean’s room where he met up with John once again. He seemed to be working on his laptop as the NP walked in and gave him a smile. They engaged in some small talk before Castiel asked if he had spoken with the doctor to which John had said yes.

The NP then proceeded to check Dean’s folder, making sure it was his and see the latest updates made to it before setting it back in its slot. He then made his way closer to Dean to check his vitals and make sure everything he was being given for pain was at the level they needed to be.

“I’m gonna grab a quick coffee. I’ll be right back.” John informed Castiel as the NP wished him a good time before going back to Dean.

He looked so peaceful, sleeping soundly. Cas knew he was going to be over the moon to see his cast off. His leg was bandaged due to the incision they had made and it was the reason he was going to be here for one more night to make sure it didn’t get infected. But that would feel like nothing compared to the full leg cast he had on before.

Castiel smiled, knowing how happy Dean would be to see his leg again and those were the types of things that made Castiel feel more content. He needed it because of the night he had before. One he didn’t want to think about.

“They say you’re the best NP around here.” A voice said that made Castiel freeze in his spot in the most pleasant way possible. He’d heard that voice before and didn’t think he’d hear it again.

Slowly, Castiel turned to meet Ayaan’s chocolate eyes and a teeth filled smile. The dimples in his cheeks still so prominent that Cas was sure you could get lost in them. His dark, black hair had grown a bit, giving him the dreamy doctor look people always pictured everyone in the medical field had.

“Ayaan…” Castiel blurted out, a smile growing from ear to ear, unable to contain himself, “What’re you doing here?”

The surgeon grinned, looking down at the floor to try and calm his own excitement down before meeting Castiel’s eyes once again. He had missed them a great amount and to be able to look into them, with the same sparkle they always had made Ayaan feel centered in his life.

“I came to give a week long lecture to the interns about being a surgeon. I also sat in on your patient’s leg surgery.” Ayaan explained, unable to stop his smile from happening as Castiel did the same.

“You’re here for a whole week!?” Castiel exclaimed and Ayaan laughed while trying to shush him since there were in a hospital.

“Yeah, I am. I _did_ book a room at the hotel that’s-“

“Cancel the booking. You’re staying with me.” Castiel interrupted with a confident nod and a proud smirk.

“Whatever you say, NP Novak.” Ayaan confirmed, with a small bow and a smirk of his own.

“Are you busy now?”

“Mhm. Got that lecture going on all day, I’m afraid.” The surgeon replied, a bit sadly since he couldn’t spend more time with Castiel.

“Damn. Okay, swing by my place at around 8? I’ll have dinner ready by then.” Castiel told him, this time being close to Ayaan and the latter welcoming it. He then grabbed Ayaan’s cellphone that the surgeon gave him to jot down his address before giving it back to him.

“And the guest room will be ready too?” The surgeon teased as Castiel chuckled while playfully rolling his eyes and stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

“You’re funny. I’d kiss you right now but…we’re in a hospital and my patient is about to wake up. Which means he’ll most likely get sick.” Castiel mentioned as they both snickered with each other.

“Fair enough. You’ll make up for it later tonight.” Ayaan stated with confidence before turning on his heels and winking at Cas as he walked away to go give his lecture to a room full of very eager interns.

Castiel leaned against the doorframe, watching him walk away like a cheesy, 90’s movie and let out a genuine happy sigh. It was like he never left except now he was a surgeon and looked a little older. And he was only here for a week, something Castiel needed to remind himself of.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kathleen watching him and when he turned to look at her entirely, she blew him a kiss as Castiel smiled and let his face flush red. This had been the surprise she had mentioned to Cas and he was grateful she made him wait for it.

It was then he heard Dean groan and that was the queue for Cas to swiftly make his way to Dean’s side and get the kidney basin ready to go.

“Fuck.” Dean mumbled out, groggy from the anesthesia and feeling his stomach turn a bit.

“Good morning Dean, it’s Cas. Told you I’d be here.” The NP reassured as he watched over the Winchester at the same time his father walked back in.

Castiel invited for him to greet his son and the eldest Winchester did so ever so eagerly.

“Hey, kiddo. Don’t worry. Bobby’s callin’ the shots and I’ll be on my way. I just didn’t want you to wake up alone.” He confessed to Dean, gently squeezing his arm as Dean nodded slowly and went back to sleep.

“There he goes.” Cas said, a small little laugh as John grinned as well and patted Dean’s cheek.

“So, he’ll be out by tomorrow, right?”

“Yep. I’ve gotta change out his bandages a couple of times today and tomorrow, after that he’s all yours.” Castiel was delighted to say and while about an hour ago that would have made him a bit sad, this time he couldn’t focus. He just wanted his shift to end.

“Do you know when he’d start his physical therapy? The doc said he’d need a bunch of it.” John mentioned worriedly, knowing how thin Dean’s patience would wear and at what rate.

“Without a shadow of a doubt. He’ll probably start in about a month from now. To give the incision time to fully heal and for him to get accustom to having his leg out of a cast. Please tell him to stop throwing his crutches around. He’s gonna keep needing them.” Castiel warned John who let out a nervous laugh.

“He tell ya he throws em?”

“No, I’m just familiar with the markings on them. You’d be surprised at the amount of patients who rage throw their crutches around here.” Castiel told John who couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“Good to know.”

It was then Castiel excused himself to check on his other patients he had that day and he couldn’t wait for his watch to beep once again.

\---

Later that day, Dean woke up for the first time since early that morning which he barely remembered.

He blinked his eyes open and looked around his room to find Sam there reading a text book and highlighting something on a page. Dean smiled at his studious brother, who looked so concentrated at what he was reading. Sam was always the one who really dedicated himself to studies. He was the top of his class no matter what he did. It gave Dean assurance that if Sam were to ever take over at some point, the business would be in good hands.

“I think I see smoke comin’ out of your ears.” Dean mumbled, causing Sam to glance up quickly and smile brightly at his now conscious brother.

“Shut up, how’re you feeling?” Sam asked once he had walked up and stood next to his bed, patting his shoulder.

“Like I went through surgery to get a rod out of my leg. And I’m _starving_ …” He complained, holding an arm over his stomach with a pained expression as Sam rolled his eyes.

“Alright. I’ll go see if I can get a nurse or someone to make sure you can eat right now.” Sam explained as he started to head to the door before Dean stopped him.

“Hey hey, if I can, see if there’s any pie in the cafeteria.” Dean pleaded as Sam took a moment to just stare at his brother and wonder how he hadn’t been diagnosed with diabetes with the amount of pie he consumed.

Dean was then alone in his room and let out a relaxed sigh before looking down at his legs that were hidden under several blankets. Quickly, he removed the sheets and was unable to believe he was staring at his leg again. It looked incredibly pale and like it had been through hell and back but he was so happy.

Gently, he rested his hands on his thigh, avoiding the bandaged area and let out a laugh at the sensation of it. He could feel his own touch. For some reason, that was a worry of his. Even though no one told him anything of the sort, Dean worried that something else could have gone wrong.

All seemed like it was good. He was feeling really good. He knew there was going to be some time before he started his physical therapy but he suddenly felt liberated. As if a weight from his shoulders had finally been lifted. He couldn’t explain it, but this entire procedure was like a metaphor for Dean.

When you break, you’ve got to do what’s necessary to heal. And then, you kick life in the ass. He had a sense of self confidence that was oozing out of his pores and he felt like he could do anything. Dean then wondered if there was something psychedelic in his medications that made him feel this way.

“Hey, Dean. Looks like you’re fully awake.” Cas stated, walking in with Sam.

“Hey, NP. Look at this beautiful thing! Isn’t it lovely?” Dean exclaimed, pointing at his leg with pride and excitement that caused the other two in the room to laugh.

“I’m sure you don’t miss the cast at all. This doesn’t mean you can do anything crazy, alright? Your muscles are incredibly weak for not having been in motion for a significant amount of time. You need to take it easy.” Cas instructed him as he checked Dean’s vitals as the latter was still staring at his leg in wonder.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, when can I eat?” He asked, making eye contact with Cas again who was still checking his vitals.

“I’d say you’re good to go but I wanna stress to not stuff-“

“Sam. Go to Roy’s and order my usual with extra hot sauce. And for the love of God if you forget the pie, I’ll make you a new patient in this hospital.” Dean demanded, a finger pointing at his brother warningly as Sam rolled his eyes.

“I forget the pie _once_ and you’ll never let me live it down.” He complained, grabbing his jacket to head out.

“It only takes one time, heathen!” Dean called out as he saw his brother exit the room as Cas was cackling to himself, wrapping up the vital check.

“I take it you like pie?” he dared to ask.

“Like you wouldn’t believe, my friend. Hey, have I thanked you?”

“For what?”

“For taking such good care of me. I know I’m a pain in the ass most of the time but you’ve been real patient and…I dunno. You’re a good NP. I just wanted you to know that.” Dean confessed to Castiel who felt as though the night he had was now entirely made up for with that comment alone.

“That’s…incredibly sweet of you. Thank you. It means more than you know.” Castiel revealed and gave Dean a very warm smile, “Please don’t eat too fast. Take your time. You don’t wanna make yourself sick.”

“You’d be surprised at what this stomach can handle.” Dean boasted, patting it softly as Cas giggled just a bit.

“You’re in a great mood. It’s good that you are.”

“It’s weird but I’m not gonna get hung up on it. I went to sleep scared out of my mind and woke up with just a new perspective on everything. I can’t really explain it.” Dean expressed, shrugging it off as he stretched out his arms and back.

“It happens to some people. I can understand where you’re coming from. It’s good that you’re just going to let it take its natural course. I think you’ll do great.” Cas replied, slowly starting to head out the door.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to loosen up yourself. Live a little.”

Castiel looked at Dean for a moment, letting his words sink before nodding slightly and giving him a small smile as he walked out. Now Castiel was a bit worried. Did he come off as someone who didn’t live his life to the fullest?

Then again, he knew he didn’t. He had a routine and stuck to it pretty much, never really venturing out unless it was to go see his family.

But he could not go down this road at the moment. This was exactly what happened the night before and it lead him into a world of pain and despair. He wanted to think about Ayaan and the week they had in store for themselves. It was all he could let himself think about. Cas deserved to have this nice thing happen. Even if it was only temporary.

He couldn’t let his mind go to the things he could have done and didn’t because he was scared. Right now, all he could do was sit with Kathleen and Ayelen and ask their advice on what he could cook for Ayaan that evening.

\---

Ayaan slowly pulled himself out of Cas, listening to how hard his own heart was pounding while making the NP roll over and onto his back.

Castiel was panting, letting the wave of complete and sensational pleasure sit all over his body as he slowly opened his eyes to look up at Ayaan with a small smile on his red lips.

“Told you you’d make up for it.” Ayaan teased, a smirk growing on his thick lips as Cas reached up to kiss them again.

His weak legs wrapped around Ayaan’s tight waist to pull his body closer to his own as they both hummed into the intimate gesture.

“I never got a chance to show you the books I told you about…” Castiel mumbled against the lips he was so happy to be kissing.

“Well, the Biriyani you made kind of got me more worked up than I had been” Ayaan stated with a chuckle and Castiel smiled.

“Did you like it?” He questioned, shyly and a bit hopeful since he tried his hardest to follow a traditional Biriyani recipe he found.

“I was surprised you were so bold as to make an Indian man Biriyani. Given that the best Biriyani ever made is by my mother.” He spoke truthfully, thinking about his mother’s delicious meals made with nothing but the love she had in her heart.

“I know I can never compete. Not by a longshot. I just hope…it was edible.”

“It was delicious and reminded me of home, my love” Ayaan expressed as he dipped down to press small and innocent kisses to Castiel’s neck. This caused the NP to close his eyes and enjoy the feeling. The kisses deepened just a bit since Ayaan found it hard to not indulge in all that was Castiel when he had him right there.

Somehow, the surgeon pulled away to look down at Castiel once again and smile at him. The backs of his fingers caressed his strong jawline as his temple rested on his own knuckles. As if he were daydreaming right at that moment but was pleased to remind himself this was all happening.

“It’s gonna be terrible when you leave.” Castiel admitted, his hands stroking Ayaan’s back with a gentle touch.

“Why will it be so terrible, Castiel?” Ayaan questioned, knowing how difficult it was for Cas to open up and express his insecurities. In fact, the surgeon was one of the first people Castiel ever opened up to about his life. Which was why Ayaan was so special to him. Only Ayaan had seen the scars on his chest and truly understood the meaning behind them.

“It’s so easy when you’re around. It’s _so_ easy to just be.” Castiel told him, diving into this deep, brown eyes.

“I can understand that, but if I recall, you were the one who insisted I leave for Seattle, even though I was willing to stay here with you.”

“And waste your career opportunity on someone like me? Please.” Castiel scoffed, rolling his eyes before meeting Ayaan’s once again.

“That’s your issue, Castiel. You have yet to value yourself. If you could only see yourself the way I do. Or Sari and your parents.”

“It’s just different. You speak of love as if it’s this magical thing that happens.” Castiel said, defending himself from his very own contradicting beliefs.

“Yet I’ve seen you cry into a bowl of ice cream watching Fixer Upper.”

“That was one time and you swore never to mention that ever again.” Castiel retorted after a moment of embarrassing silence.

“What’s going on, Castiel? You cannot pretend to be someone you’re not around me. I know you well enough.”

And the young NP laid there, looking up at Ayaan with a puzzled gaze. Saying something as stupid as commenting that love was somehow frivolous was, of course, going to pass right by Ayaan. He should’ve known better. But, for some reason Castiel was nervous. He knew he could trust his beloved Ayaan yet something inside him was having him fear this conversation.

“I…I’ve been having a lot of anxiety, recently.” Castiel began to explain as Ayaan did nothing but listen intently, “I’m not particularly _sure_ why but I have a theory.”

“I’m listening.” Ayaan reassured sweetly.

“Ever since you…I’ve never really…opened up at all. In that way, I mean.” Cas expressed as Ayaan’s thick, black brows rose a bit, “It’s been too busy at the hospital and, you know, Sari’s engaged and I’m helping her pick out things for the wedding and stuff.” He began to ramble as Ayaan leaned in and pressed a small kiss to his lips.

“Take a deep breath in and slowly let it out…” Ayaan instructed in a soothing tone as Castiel did as he was told, “Now, if you’re ready, you can tell me the reason why you’ve put such an important aspect of your life on hold. You do not have to tell me, Castiel. It is entirely your decision and I will respect whatever you choose to do.”

“I’m terrified, still.” Castiel confessed after another moment of contemplation, “I’m terrified of how someone will perceive me. I’m terrified I’ll fall in love with someone and something will happen to me. I’m terrified I’ll open myself up to someone and they find my scars hideous. That they’ll _pity_ my life story and look at me different. As someone who is trying to live life to the fullest when, in reality, I just want to sit with someone and have them joke about how much I love the HGTV channel.” Castiel blurted out, surprising even himself on how much he admitted to Ayaan.

But like he had previously stated, it was incredibly simple to do so with Ayaan around.

“Castiel, these fears of yours have logic behind them. They are sound, love. This, however, doesn’t mean you should spend so much time thinking about them over and over as opposed to finding ways to confront and conquer them. I know that, for most of your life, you’ve dealt with a therapist to help you through what you went through…” Ayaan said, gently stroking Castiel’s scars as the owner of them shivered under his touch, “And you’ve expressed how much it had helped you. Someone who _understood_ as opposed to people who sympathized.”

“Yeah but-“

“ _But_ …maybe you need someone else to help you deal with the aftermath of it all. How to deal with these feelings that life is giving you. No one has a manual on how to get through life, Castiel. It’s okay to have a hand in understanding who you are.”

The NP found comfort in the words that Ayaan was speaking and he let them sit in his mind. At that moment, there was no point in pursuing the conversation. Castiel only had the surgeon for a week and he wanted to make the most out of it.

This didn’t mean he wasn’t ever going to think about what Ayaan suggested. He was truly going to look into it. Castiel was always so scared of going back into therapy because the idea of being reminded of what it felt like to come to terms with dying didn’t sit well with him. Which was precisely the reason he told himself he needed to go.

He couldn’t live his life so worried and shy away from opportunities. He knew he wanted someone to spend his life with, someone’s hand to hold when he was scared, someone to fight over what to have for dinner and everything else that love entailed. Everything that was incredibly foreign to him.

But, he reminded himself once again, this was not the time. Because, in that moment, he had convinced Ayaan that the focus should be on something else and Castiel was suddenly climbing onto the beloved surgeon to resume the task of kissing him deeply.

\---

“Castiel?” A woman asked as she peered outside of the door she opened.

The nurse looked up from his book and gave her a shy smile as he lifted himself up, placing his novel in his bag and walking into Dr. Quintana’s office.

His blue eyes danced around the inviting room, smiling a bit at the décor that was composed of woods, light colors, a floor to ceiling window and coordination. It took everything he had to not say that this was a Gaines approved room. Instead, he sat down on the comfortable, dark blue couch as the doctor sat in front of him in her own, white accent chair.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Quintana.” Castiel remarked as she gave him a warm smile.

“Nice to meet you, too, Castiel. On the phone, when we spoke, you mentioned you’ve had help with a mental health professional in the past, correct?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” He confirmed, a nod taking place as well.

“This leads me to ask, why did you decide to seek out someone new?” She questioned, her tone calm and soft making Castiel feel a little more comfortable.

“Well, I thought that if I went to my last therapist, I’d be revisiting old Castiel. But I _know_ who old Castiel is and I think I figured him out as much as I could. I’m here cause I have no idea how to deal with this new me. It’s been nearly 10 years since I was given a clean bill of health and just now I realized, I never really explored who I was.” Castiel explained so easily, surprising himself as Dr. Quintana listened attentively.

“That makes excellent sense, Castiel. I like the perspective you have and the intrigue. It’s always good to have incentive to get to know ourselves. That’s something you could consider as quite an attribute.” She suggested as Castiel blinked a few times at her words.

“I’ve…never thought of it that way.” Castiel confessed as the doctor smiled.

“Tell me, Castiel. What’s been on your mind?”

“Well, I think it all really started to come up with this one patient named Dean…”

 


End file.
